Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
