Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize