Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
