You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
