you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
