I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
