my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
