You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize