Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
