Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My bed smells like the plague
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
