Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
