It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
