The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
