I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
