We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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