I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
