Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
