from now on my penis is your penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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