im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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