I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
