Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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