I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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