rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
