Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
