His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
