Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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