I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
