So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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