I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
