The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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