The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
