Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize