I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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