Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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