best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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