there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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