I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
