he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
