I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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