3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
