Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
