Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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