Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
