He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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