What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
