I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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