i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize