if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
