Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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