I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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