I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
