he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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