This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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