Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
