So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
