Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
