i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
