who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize