oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have tasted many bathrooms
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
