no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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