At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
