Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
