it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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