the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
