He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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