the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
