I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's always time for handjobs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
